When my husband and I fist got married and were adjusting to living together, I thought it particularly odd that every night my husband would always pray that our oldest and most often missing child would know how much we love him. It seemed like such an odd thing to pray for. Of course he should know how much we love him.
Now after a few years of constantly missing this sweet little boy I’ve grown to love so much, I finally understand….
My husband’s ex packed up their 9-month-old baby and left without a word just 3 weeks after he received orders to be stationed in England. She would not allow contact of any kind with their infant child until there was an official court order. The temporary order was not issued for 3 months and the official orders took over a year to finalize. Despite a court order, the most visitation my husband was allowed was 2 weeks in the summer and 2 weeks in the winter along with Video Chat two times a week.
During those 4 years he was stationed in England my husband spent every bit of savings and every moment of leave that he could flying Stateside to see his child. Even during deployment he never missed a Video Chat call, which for him often took place at 2am after a long and grueling day in the desert heat.
After 6 years my husband passed up a promotion in a Career he loved and was Honorably discharged from the Air Force in order to move to Colorado to be with his son. At the time, he felt blessed to have the standard 4 days a month to form a bond with his now 5-year-old and bright-eyed little boy. It had only been a year after they finally began to know each other that my husband and I met.
Our family struggled to find a balance and get to know each other at fist. But the more we got to know each other, the more it began to hurt when our son wasn’t with us. Our weekend visits seemed to fly by so fast and we had to endure long breaks between seeing him again. I found myself wondering if this young child knew how much we thought of him? How much we longed to see him and have him be a part of our lives? Did he know we shed tears because our hearts hurt? Does he know that he always has a safe place to call home surrounded by a family who loves him? More than anything I longed for him to know that we were more than just a weekend vacation. I found my heart aching to tell him how much he is loved and I found myself developing more of an empathy for the strenuous separation to two sweetest men in my life endured for so long.
Finally, one night, my husband uttered the same words during the evening prayer that he has said so many times before. “Please Lord, let him know how much we love him.”
My eyes filled up with tears and there was a lump in my throat so that after the prayer all I could manage was a teary nod to let my husband know my heart wanted the same thing.
I still don’t know if our little man has any idea how much he means to us and how much we love him, but we continue to pray for it every night.